Really? Really?!

It's one of those days when you shouldn't look at Facebook!  So I see that someone who I really like would appear to have separated from their partner.  I expressed and interest and made my intentions clear before they met up with them.  I wasn't successful then so I'll keep my council now.  All I know is that I'm not out to be a game player and take advantage of people.  I've offered a little bridge, if they choose to take it up and build upon it I'd be receptive.  Chances are it won't happen and I'll have to let it go.

On another note, I was at a family do yesterday and I had to deal with my cousin and her partner with their baby.  The first thing that springs to mind is a child outside of marriage.  Fine for them as they don't subscribe to the views that I do - but there is no way that I could have a child with someone without being married.  That said, chances of finding someone else that shares that sentiment are looking slimmer by the moment.

It just feels like a couple of days of being kicked in the teeth for various reasons but with a few good sides as well.  What I think it seems to say to me is that time is running out.  I need to find someone really quickly and actually get down to getting what I want.

it's not as easy as that, it's a case of convincing myself that I want to trade / sacrifice / share what I have built up un my life so far and allow someone else in to potentially compromise that and take away what I have achieved so far.  And that comes down to trust, or more precisely -  my inherent lack of it.

It's all a bit of a mess really and I don't seem to be making that much of a good job of dealing with it. I kind of want it all, in my own way and on my own terms.  The chances of fining someone that will be happy to fit in with that idea is pretty slim.

Its all a bit of a mess really.

Minor victories

After a few well aimed emails, I am pleased - and indeed a little proud to say that the scaffolding outside the flats is beginning to disappear.  The bits that I am directly concerned with, outside my balcony and above it blocking the light are completely dismantled and it looks like the rest are on the way down as well.

Sounds like a little think but it is SO much bigger than that.  It means that everything on the balcony has a decent amount of light again.  My chillies have light as well as heat, my tomatoes might also ripen and will stop being drawn towards the little light that was left.  The rest of the plants hopefully will return to flowering and the cacti that I have inside will get back to growing and flowering.

I think that it is telling that the council have pretty much passed the buck at every stage and refused to answer any of my emails.  On the other hand, the contractors, Ian Williams Ltd, have been extremely helpful white their contractors on site and in their email responses.  Not looking too good for Wiltshire Council then!

Wiltshire Council, I call you out!  I pay council tax every month, you are MY employee!  Why do you not even answer my emails?  Maybe I will ignore your requests for payment for a wile?!  I bet that doesn't last me too long huh? I bet I get some hardcore, badass debt collector later within a few days!  So where does that leave your lack of answers to my emails?!

None the less, a little victory that means far more than the deeds that have created it,

Lord, I thank you for the little things
And for those who make them happen.
May they be blessed,
Even though they may not know the significance of what they do.

For those of us who benefit from their actions,
May we realise that our gratitude is best shared,
By doing deeds that will bring benefit to others.
And passing on the little things that make life that much better.

IJN, Amen.

A weeks holiday

So I've been on holiday for the last week.  Started it off in style with a day at the cricket, watching England Vs India.  That was a really good day out, shared with Dad.  I felt a bit guilty about not telling him that I'd booked the whole week as holiday but if I had, he's have only invited himself into it some how - probably with a forceful invite for me to go and spend a few days with him instead.

What I really needed, and I'm pleased to say that I was able to achieve, was a few days of doing what I wanted when I wanted to do it.  I cleared up the balcony and replanted - not that there was a huge point to that as the scaffolding that killed the last lot of plants by cutting off the light is still in place so the new ones probably won't do that well, but I can't stand dead plants and empty spaces.  I repotted my cacti and ended up with pickles all over my hands for my troubles!  Did a few other housekeeping and DIY bits that Id been putting off as well.

Other than that I pretty much chilled out and tried to de-stress as much as I could do.  I know that I'm going back into it tomorrow.  It might have been a week away but all the problems are still there when I go back in.  At least I have enough energy back to try and take them on again.

I went to see a couple of good friends and my God Daughter yesterday.  I know I am biassed, but she is so sweet.  I think I am feeling broody again!  Think maybe I should do something about finding someone and getting a family started.

I am feeling very much in tune with what I want long term as life goals but I am also feeling more positive about them than I have done for a long time.  God willing, they will come to fruition and His will might bring me what I want to be happy.

So, all in all I am in a reasonably good place right now.  Ask me again after a few days back at work!