Game over. Crappy valentines day guaranteed. Looks like my romantic advances have fallen on barren ground. Not a great feeling - but if you don't ask, you'll never know. I asked, and now I know. It's just a bit gutting that it wasn't the answer that I was looking for.
But then what actually made me think for a minute that I deserved the answer that I wanted? I mean, lets face it - I'm not exactly good looking. I'm still overweight, albeit not as much overweight as I was a year ago. And in either case, I'm still stuck with the face I was born with.
From somewhere I managed to find some seriously uncharacteristic confidence to actually do something about my feelings, and now I'm just back to not really believing in myself again. I just wish there was some kind of way of putting myself 'on the open market' and just letting people that were attracted to me actually come to me - I guess that would be a pretty short queue anyway.
Not really feeling self pity, more a pretty sharp reality check. Deep down inside, I knew that this would be the outcome, yet somehow I stupidly put myself forward to the edge of the abyss. And promptly jumped straight off! So I'll free fall for a while, hit the bottom and then splatter in a big old mess. All I really need is some brave soul to pick up the pieces.
But for tonight, Mr Smirnoff will be my saviour.
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