Lent - Day 2

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” - Matthew 11:28-30

*Puts on Northern (UK) accent*
"Its day 2 in the Big Brother (Lent) House, and James is missing his cider. The ham salad sandwiches for lunch seem to be going down ok, so the abstinence from cheese seems less of a problem. In the diary room, James has been talking to God and God has been listening. So far, God has not responded."


In all seriousness, I'd be reaching for the cider and or vodka right now if I wasn't abstaining for Lent. Valentines Day is should be one of the best of the year for a romantic like me - but it hurts so much when you are single. I absolutely rips right through you when there's someone you really want to be with but cant. It just feels so empty right now, I want to be with that person. I can't - and the fact that they are with someone else right now who I suspect is not giving them the valentines day that they deserve, is almost more that I can take.


Anyway, I think I am going to do what I do best in these situations - write a song. Putting pain and feelings into lyrics has an amazingly cathartic effect, and just occasionally I manage to come up with something half reasonable. (or at least I hope its half reasonable anyway).


I just feel totally cut up right now. I can feel a sense of self destruction coming in again. The fact that I can recognise it now means I think I am getting stronger. This feeling would have had me comfort eating and in a destructive cycle by now. I am going to eat something tonight, but I have already bought it and there is no other food available in the house so I can be sure that I cant over eat. I am not going to drink alcohol at all, the only thing I have in the house apart from vodka is wine and I will not open a bottle.


Being honest, I am hurting though.  Not a happy bunny right now.