Time away, and the need to repent.

OK, so it's been ages since I've been on here and written anything. that's not a good thing.

Right about now, there's a whole lotta family trouble going down and I need some help. My grandfather has been admitted to hospital for a major circulation problem in his leg and an infection in his foot. I don't know here this will go in the long run. I think that there is still a chance that he may be ok but the alternatives are numerous and seem to preclude the one positive outcome. He may end up having to have an amputation, me may need an operation on his leg to clear the blocked blood vessels. The possibilities are numerous but there's only really one outcome that has a positive ending.

My Granddad is coming up 89 years old and has both asthma and heart problems. Anything that involves a general anaesthetic is a risky bThe truth is that I am scared about the outcome of all this. I don't want to loose him. I know that God chooses when to call people home, but that doesn't mean that I can't not want it to happen. The other outcomes are almost worse. i mean, at 89, he's still basically mobile. Sure, he has a fairly short walking range and has some home help but he still drives a car and is determined to get out and about as much as he can. So if he ends up with some kind of amputation that is going to put an end to all that. I mean, he's still as alert mentally as I ever remember him being, so to completely loose that mobility and all the other implications of that, are seriously scary - and I'm not having to contemplate them happening to me!

I know that my cousin is feeling it too, and I worry for her as well, she hasn't always coped with life's troubles that well and the last thing that I want is for this to set back her progress. And then there's Dad, he's with my Granddad in hospital and kicking around his house when visiting hours are out. I mean, kicking around that empty house with only him in it - that's got to feel awful, I can only begin to imagine the emotions that are going through his head.

I can't get any time away from work until Friday but as soon as I can I'll be heading up to see them all. I'm just scared of what I'll find. Like, the worst case scenario, I don't want the last memory I have of my Granddad being in a hospital bed. And now I feel guilty for even writing that on here, I don't want the worst, I don't want him to suffer, I don't want him to loose his independence. And the worst thing is that I can't do anything about it.

I'm used to problems and set backs that can be figured out, solved by throwing resources at them or working harder. This can't. I can't materially affect the outcome with any resource that I have available to me. If I could, I'd do it without question but all I can do is pray...