A truly terrible day at work

Today was awful. The worst sales day that we've had for a while, combined with the fact that it's the last day of the month and we've got no where near target. Just to top it all off some toe rag has stolen a demonstration product from display. The alarm didn't activate - I now find out that the system is incomplete an there was no way for it to active. Just to top it all off, the cctv hasn't been recording to the hard drive for the last 8 days. I didn't know that either.

The thing is, I feel that it's my fault - or more specifically, as if I didn't feel bad enough already, I'm being made to feel that it's my fault by my boss. In all honesty, I don't think that there was anything that I could have done differently to prevent it but that probably wont save my neck. It certainly doesn't do my chances of being retained after my 6 month probation is over.

I'm personally expecting to be told tat I'm having the value of the stolen item docked from my wages. There's nothing in my contract about that but somehow I just get the feeling that is what could well happen. If it does, I need to find some way of fighting it.

I jest feel really bad about it. The thing is, whoever took it probably sees it as a victimless crime, but in actuality, as well as the company being a victim, I feel like a victim. I feel the same way that I did the time that my room was broken into at university.

I know the cliche is to say 'If they'd only ask I'd have given them the money' and on this occasion, I'm certainly not going to say that - the person who took it is probably going to sell it and use the money to by drugs or alcohol. Whatever your belief about drugs, right or wrong, both they and alcohol are 'luxuries' at best and the Devils temptations at worst. So I wouldn't have given them the money instead. I do, however, wish that they feel as much guilt for their act, as I do upset and pain by them committing it. Maybe their guilt would drive them to seek forgiveness and repent of their sins and seek Jesus salvation.

Father, I know that my reaction to what has happened is not exactly

turning the other cheek

And I certainly can't really forgive right now, even though I know that's what I should do.

But I pray that you can forgive them

Moreover, I pray that they will come to you for forgiveness

for what they have done.

Please don't let the actions of another person

have an impact on my relationship with those higher than me in the company.

And please let me get on with things and not dwell on this too much.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Staring down the barrel

Its been a testing few days. My car failed its MOT the other day and I've had to fork out precious money to keep it on the road. Its a catch 22 - I cant not spend the money on it. I need it to get to work to earn the money in the first place. On the other hand, I could well do without the expense. What with paying the road tax, insurance and the cost of the MOT itself as well, I'm in trouble money wise. Its on the credit card right now but there's no what that I can pay for it right now. I also have to worry about the expenses of moving house in a couple of months time.

Work isn't going fantastically either. The incentive is working well, people are certainly selling more effectively and the results are better than they ever could have been before that. However, its a serious struggle to get to target from where we are. There's another 25% to go with only 4 days to do it. Even with everyone well on board, we are now up against the difference that the credit crunch, nae full blown recession, is making to the business. I have to say that I feel a little helpless in my ability to keep it going. I can see that there is no way that the store is going to do target without some serious divine intervention. I cant let the rest of the team see that though, the confidence is pretty fragile and if I allow my doubts to show, the I will be the one who brings down the whole house of card. - Oh the fun of work-place politics!

Father, I have no idea what I am meant to be doing now,

Or how I am meant to be achieving what is before me.

If I carry on in the same way it is likely that I cannot do what I need to.

please help me to see the best way forward and to deal with those around me,

both my team and my bosses.

I think that right now, what I really need is a little divine intervention.

Please find a way to act through those I am surrounded by,

Please help me to act for the good of those who I am around.

In Jesus Name Amen

Is it wrong?

I'm not sure if it's really wrong or not but I want to pray for success at work right now. There's a promotion on at the moment that means I could win up to £300 in Apple vouchers. I don't really want to win all of them, that'd be greedy. I'd quite like to win some though. The greater aim is to get the store through sales target this month and I guess that's more important to me, especially as my probation is up in a couple of months so I'll be reviewed on current performance. I can't help but feel a little insecure that the store is not yet at target. It's grown every month so far, but never actually hot the complete target.

The thing is, I feel a little unsure that I should be asking for personal gain out of such a situation. Compared with everything else that is going on in the world, me praying for success at work, from which I stand to benefit financially, just seems like greed to me.

The thing is, even if I don't really write it down here, or even say it in my prayers, it's in my heart - and that's where God looks, right? So simply by it being there Gd knows it. But is it an impure thought? I mean, so many times we pray it is for some kind of personal gain. Ultimately it's not (really) about the money, although it would be most welcome, it would really be about hitting target and getting a result that might help keep me in a job.

Christ is risen

It's Easter Sunday and we celebrate Christ's rising from the grave and all that the Resurrection means for us. I don't feel too much different as a physical person, but as a spiritual person I feel stronger. Just as Christ appear to his followers when He rose, I feel like, in spirit, he has shown himself to me once again.

I felt drawn back to my old church in Basingstoke to celebrate today, I don;t know why. It's not like I've been part of the congregation there for a number of years. But it was the church where I was confirmed. Somehow it seemed right, as with the Easter service containing the Profession Of Faith and sprinkling of Holy Water, it seemed that it was a good place to re affirm what I believe.

Easter Sunday has long been a day with meaning for me as when Gemma and I were traveling a few years ago, I am 100% sure that, as we attended a service in a church we had never been to before, I was briefly in contact with the spirit of my mother, who had died a couple of years before. I think that maybe Easter Sunday has a certain power about it. Like maybe the heavens are just a little closer that day, or maybe Christ walks just that little bit closer to us on this day.

All I know is that prayers said in faith on Easter Sunday seem to have more resonance and more effect for me personally an it is a day that I feel drawn to celebrate.

Father, I thank you for

Jesus rising form the dead,

For everything that means for Christians all over the world,

And for those who have yet to discover Christ.

When I pray, may my prayers be true and

May I ask only for that which is your will.

Please share with others who have a weakness of faith,

Or those yet to come to you,

The joy of the Resurrection and the comfort that comes

From knowing that we are truly loved and truly saved.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Happy Easter

The true meaning of forgiveness

Ok, so in the run up to easer, I have been asking for forgiveness for some of my sins and forgiving others for things that I have held against them. Some of those I have shared on here, some of them are just between me and Jesus.

The truth that I think that I have realised is that even when we ask God, or others to forgive us, what we ultimately need to forgive ourselves also.

"I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remeber your sins" (Isaiah 43:25)

"In Him [Jesus] we have redemption, through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the richness of His grace (Ephesians 1:7)

So if God forgives all those who come to him through Christ and confess their sins, seeking absolution, why do we not always forgive ourselves? One of the things that I have long sought forgiveness for, I find out by taking to the friend who I wronged, that they have long since forgotten my indiscretion and did not even recall it when I mentioned it to them. Yet, I still hold it against myself as one of the few things that I wish I could actually travel back in time and change.

And so we are with God, many times we ask for forgiveness and yet we do not really forgive ourselves. God loves us so much that he gave His only son to bring us to salvation. So we ask for forgiveness but do not really forgive our selves. God as forgotten our sins long before we have even truly forgiven ourselves and, indeed each other. Maybe we should all be a little quicker to forgive ourselves once we have asked for forgiveness from God.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9)

So we are just to forgive ourselves, as God does not hold our sins against us if we truly repent.

Father, please help me to forgive myself

Of the sins that I still hold inside

As you have forgiven me the sins that I repent,

Please help me to feel this for real and to move on

from the sins that hold me back.

Please help me not to hold sins against other people.

As I pray for forgiveness of others, please help me to forgive them in my heart,

as you forgive them in yours.

As Easter Sunday approaches, please help me to

Appreciate the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross

And what it truly means to me

And to all those who come to you through Him.

For the fact that you can save the human race,

please help me to spread the gospel of your love

and to show my love for you in a way that others

can comprehend.

This I ask in Jesus Name

Amen

Todays Forgiveness...

Ok, short and to the point;

Father, today I ask for forgiveness for something that happened

about this time of year, many, years ago.

I once prayed for something that I shouldn't have been given

Yet I prayed with such force and conviction that you still answered me.

I prayed to be given a physical relationship with someone who I loved

Yet should not have been with.

And you gave me what I should not have had.

And being weak, I gave in - outside of marriage.

So, please father, forgive me for my moment of weakness.

I also want to forgive someone for the hurt that they have caused me and a close friend

And for trying to drive a wedge between us. I will not name a name

But I will put the initials N.S.

Father, you know who I mean and that is all that matters.

I want to forgive them for their actions,

Please help me to let go of the animosity that I sometimes feel towards them

And heal the hurt that makes me feel it on the first place

This I ask

In Jesus name

Amen

Does God Celebrate Easter?

On the face of it, that seems a really silly question, of corse He would... But think about it; you send your only Son down to earth to save the Human race, who you love as your own image. And what does the human race do? Most of them refuse to accept their salvation and end up killing your son. How much compassion does it take to forgive that? It's not exactly the sort of thing that you'd celebrate, is it? So, maybe its the resurrection? Certainly I think that there is someone in all out lives that we would celebrate the day that the walked again. And that's it. It is the resurrection that we celebrate, the abundance of life, the forgiveness of sins.

So that is what I am going to do. Between now and Easter Sunday, I am going to pray for the forgiveness of a sin that I have yet to repent for, and in turn, forgive another for a sin against me that I have yet to forgive them for.

So, 'Does God celebrate Easter?' My though is that He celebrates that we do.

Father, as I have said above, I pray for forgiveness

Today I hold before you the way that I behaved towards my

Mother when I was a teenager.

I have said that I am sorry before, but never

Have I truly asked for forgiveness.

Whilst she is no longer alive to forgive, I ask you in her place.

Please forgive all that I have done, that I am truly sorry for.

And, father, I ask you to forgive all those who bullied me when I was at school

I will not name names, although I could place a dozen here I'm sure.

You saw them and know who they are.

Despite what they have left me with, I am ready to let go and forgive

For those who have any remorse for their actions,

Please let them feel that they are forgiven and that I bear no grudge.

Please grant me the strength to continue to heal the wounds that they have left behind.

I ask in Jesus name

Amen

The perfect day off

I think that today has been pretty much my perfect day off. I had a nice lie in to start with and then did a bit of housework and got the vacuuming and sweeping out of the way. I then spent a number of hours out in the sun washing and waxing both the car and bike. After that I went out for a little drive in the sun. Just to top the day off perfectly I have a pizza in the oven and a couple of bottles of my favourite cider to wash it down with.

I didnt think about work at all, they didnt phone me or anything and the sunshine was really up lifting. The peace and quiet of the countryside with the sound of the brids, a few horses neighing in the distance and a complete feeling of escapism and of being in paradise. With the exception of buying my pizza and cider when I went out earlier, I have not spoken to another person all day. Whilst that is not my usual way, I have to say that it was exactly what I needed. I feel more relaxed after this one day off than I have after some hollidays that I've had.

I couldn't help but feel that today had a little divine intervention behind it. A day this warm and perfect as today just felt like it had to be made by God himself. Everything looked beautiful, trees, fields, even the centre of Eastleigh (which usually looks like a crap hole at the best of times!) Everything looks good with the sun shining on it. Like God himself is smiling down on the plannet.

Father, thankyou for today

Thankyou the warmth of the sun

And the feeling of being free that it gave me today

Thankyou for all the blessings that I have enjoyed today

My car, my bike and the time away from work to enjoy them

Thankyou for recharging me today,

With the challenges I face at work,

I feel like I now have some energy to take them on again

Please help me to share the feelings that I have

Experienced today with those around me

and to show that they are because of your love.

In Jesus Name

Amen