Not A Good Day At Work

I had my boss come down to work to visit today and it didn't go as well as expected. I know that I've had a comparatively easy time of it so far in comparison with life in my previous employer so what would have seemed like a mild inconvenience six months ago now seems much bigger and out of proportion. It kind of feels like a case of 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' . It's not that there's a huge amount of things that I need to deal with but it just sort of feels personal.

My boss does not have a particularly motivation way of promoting the need for change and improvement. It's not his fault, he just seems to have an ability to make you feel guilty for no good reason. I guess I should be used to that, My old man has had the ability to make you feel like dirt for no apparent reason, for as long as I can remember. I can even remember Mum complaining about it at times too.

So I have to lick my wounds tonight and get on with it again tomorrow. There's no point in getting all obsessed about it because the changes that do need to happen are going to have to be driven and role modeled by me. Further more, if they're not sorted out then it's me that is directly accountable for the long term result. (I say long term, he's coming back to see how we're doing in two weeks!)

I don't think it helped that I've been feeling really ill all day. I think that I ate something really iffy last night. Thing is, it smelled alright when I cooked it, tasted alright when I ate it but it's done me in today alright. I've felt sick all day and really bloated. Come to think about it, I don't feel much better now either. The moral of the tale - don't eat my cooking!

New Pet Project

Ok, so things are ticking over in most of my life in the same way as they alway have done. Work is the same old stuff, albeit a little better than before.

But that's not what this entry is about. I have started my own web site, ratherodd.org and have spent most of my free time over the last week on getting it up and running.

It's by no means finished but it's ready for visitors. As well as being a place to have some fun, I'm also using it to promote my music as well. I'm not sure what will come of putting my music more prominently on display, if anything, but it will be interesting to see. I've decided that the web site is going to focus on bizarre, unusual and disgusting things. Now all I have to do is tread the fine line between that and my religion. I'm sure at some point I'll get it wrong. It's a fine line to tread. but I want to try. After all, having my own web page is a great new adventure!

A prayer answered, maybe?

OK, so my last couple of posts have been asking fro some help and for things to go well. Well, things have suddenly picked up at work. There are still challenges that I have to deal with - not least to sales people that I have to manage who cannot get on with each other and do nothing other than rub each other up the wrong way. Business still has the odd off day (yesterday was one of those on a spectacular level) but then today was better than average and pretty much made up for it.

Right now I have a little clear air and some recognition from my bosses and the atmosphere between us feels a little less pressured. If the store reaches it's target this month then the onus that could come from it may well pay the bills for keeping my car on the road and perhaps even cover off some of the expenses that I'm going to face when I move house some time in the next couple of months.

Still not really feeling any better

I've been off work today - day off. I haven't done very much really. Put a few things on ebay, finished my latest musical 'masterpiece'. So on and so forth.

Despite doing these things and generally trying to relax and forget about work, it hasn't really helped too much. I am still worried about everything today, that worried me yesterday. I haven't heard from work today, nor did I want to contact them to find out the figures, for fear of being seen to pressure them.

I can't stop everything going round in my head. The though that I may be about to loose my job over the current performance should be making the blood rise in my veins, but for some reason there is a certain resignation in my mind. As if the last experience has taken the fight from me and it is yet to return. I think that there may be some more healing of the past that I have yet to complete. I am not as strong as I though I was, or as indeed I wold like to portray myself as being. I think that my prayers are simple tonight;

Feeling VERY Insecure

I was off from work today. I went up to Oxford to help my grandad out with his laptop as it wasn't quite right. When I got back from that I'd only been in the house for about 5 minutes before the phone rang. It was my boss saying that he was coming to Salisbury and was taking the team out for drinks. It then when through the usual 'It's up to you if you want to come over' routing but it was a loaded choice and I'm sure it would have been noted if I wan not prepared to play for the team. As it goes, I didn't have any plans for this evening anyway so I didn't mind going over to Salisbury - and it gave me a nice run on the bike. However, the conversation was pretty work orientated, as I was expecting. It came round to the store not doing target last month buy the worst performance ever.

Then he let it slip that the manager of the Maidstone has been let go for poor performance and poor management styles. The Maidstone store opened after Salisbury so the manager had not completed anywhere near his 6 month probation. So now I am shitting some serious bricks. If that can happen to him, it can happen to me. To say that I'm feeling insecure is an understatement and I am just waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. Right at a time when I have to start thinking about looking for somewhere else to live when my tenancy expires on my current place.

So what do I do? Somehow I need to find a way to bring the subject up and get an inkling of what is likely to happen. I don't want to find myself living somewhere with a new tenancy agreement that I cant pay for. So what the hell do I do? As things stand, I an not necessarily thinking about this company as a definite long term career move but at the very least I want to give it at least a year to see what doors open because it feels like it has good potential.