Crappy Christmas

So Christmas is over for another year, and Boxing day is soon to follow.  I have to say I'm pretty glad it's all over.  It wasn't a bad one, it wash;t exactly a good one either.  To be honest, I think I slept through more of it that I was away through.

That said, Church was OK and I go what I wanted from 'Santa'.  It would be nice if people stopped giving me alcohol for Christmas.  I feel a little bit tragic - is that all people can think of to give me?  Is that how they perceive my personality - an alcoholic?

Christmas down at Dads would have been fine if it wasn't for the other people there; Dad's partner's Daughter (who I refuse to dignify with the title of 'step-sister') and her little shit, spooled brad of a child.  Frankly I want nothing to do with them but sadly I am stuck with being under the same roof as them from time to time.  Anyway, it want great to be honest, poor company, the food wasn't great either.  Dad seems to have convinced himself that his partner can cook - by his standards she probably can - but someone needs to teach her how to cook vegetables!

Really, after all of this I am feeling a bit down and fed up.  It's one of those moments when I just feel like I want to withdraw away from everyone and drop back into my own little world.  I think that I would actually have been quite happy to spend Christmas on my own.  Cook my own dinner, my way and not have to deal with all the other tossers.

Going back to work tomorrow - at least that will keep me occupied and my mind off things.  Money is tight right now as well.  On face value I have a reasonable amount in my current account but I have a bucket load that I need to clear off the credit card as well, which more than cancels it out and will probably wipe out my bonus this month as well.

It's all a bit depressing really.  No one thing is that big but it all seems to come together into one larger mass of issues.

Into every life...

... a little rain must fall.

Ok, so on reflection, I've had a really decent run of good fortune earlier on in the year and I suppose the fact that now things are not going exactly to plan is really only compensation for that - after all, the universe needs to balance.  The Lord must share good and ill fortune upon people equally.

Anyway, my old macbook has come back yet again as the second person to buy it on ebay say it is faulty.  What he has described sounds like the fault that I claimed against Apple under EU law for but now that I have the machine back, I am damned if I can replicate it.  So I think I will just flog it to the local cash converters - the fault that they were moaning about, and that I had an issue with before was an intermittent fault based on certain components overheating and shutting down.  It's unlikely to do that when they test it and buy it off me, and after that it's their problem.  It's a bit unethical perhaps but I need the money and it's just going to be easier to do that and take a slight loss that it is to go through the grief of selling it on ebay and dealing with any faults that may come up again.

Other that that someone that I work with has been involved in a pretty sever car accident and they're going to be off for the foreseeable future.  They're ok - just.  The car was a hell of a mess from the pictures that they sent me.  Thank God, they are basically ok - a couple of cracked ribs and a ruptured knee, but they will recover.  I think that it was very close to being far more severe.  That said, their absence has put a major strain on at work.  Trying to deal with the busiest time of year with one full-time member of staff down is nothing short of a nightmare.  However, there's not much that can be done - it's not their fault that they're off and nature will take it's course, it's not a click-your-fingers type of healing process - it could be 4 weeks odd for cracked ribs.

So I am really tired right now.  I mean, I woke up this morning, after a decent night's sleep and felt like I was ready to go back to bed.  I'm back on the high caffeine energy drinks again too.  I just need something to get me through it all to Christmas day and Boxing Day.  I'm not quite running on empty but I'm getting close.

I managed to get down the gym tonight for a decent work out but I'm feeling knackered now.  I am going to try and get down there again on Friday after work too.  I need to keep this going in the run up to the Christmas Eve weigh in.  Only 3 pounds to go for 5 stone in a year.  Now is not the time for faint heart, for faint heart never won fair lady.

I don't have a fair lady in mind right now but it'll be a lot easier to find one if I am looking trim and fit for purpose.

That is all for now I think...

Another pointless rambling blog post...

So Christmas is getting closer; and with that, I should be feeling more empowered, stronger, full of the joys of the season.  It's not that I don't want to be, it's more like every effort I have is going into  my day job and not really leaving anything left over for my faith and for the season.

With that comment I guess that it's probably evident that work is not going according to plan.  that's an understatement.  Right now the business is haemorrhaging money compared with last year.  After a really storming November, this month has fallen by the way side and I'm looking at a pretty big step down against last year.

Right now I dont't know where this is going in the longer term.  Day to day, it's a struggle in the least.  Some how we need to catch up on last year as a minimum.  Then again, head office are forecasting a +20% growth on last year as well.  Following November's sales, the 20% was looking pretty achievable.  Now I am just looking to break even and not head backwards.  The economy is supposedly on the up and people have a higher level of finical optimism (allegedly) but I have to say that I am not sire that it is doing me any favours right now.

The stress of work is a big one, it isn't with me every hour, but it is there more than I would like.  there are little positives that seem to part the stress a little.  For example, we won a competition last weekend and the prize was for food to be paid for this Saturday for lunch - so I had a free pizza lunch.  That was pretty cool, and then there is next weekend - we have the Christmas meal to look forward to.  So there are some positives on the rounds as well.

It's one of these moments when being single totally sucks.   It's the the season...  It's the season alright.  But really, only if you are with someone that you care about.  There could be someone.  I wish there was someone...  But there isn't.  Not right now anyway.  We're coming down to the cut off zone.  Boxing day... - Or in this case, Christmas eve.  I'm not weighing in after the season of excess, I'll do it before, thank you!

So it's 3 lbs more to go for a nice round weight loss of 5 stone in a year.  Might just be do-able, it's going to be a close run thing.  It's not the 6 stone that I targeted for a year ago, and there is definitely more to go.  I think that I need to aim for 1.5 stone in the longer term and that may well be the goal for next year.  I promised myself that i would go into courtship dating in the next year, last year.  I really want to make that happen but I need to rationalise my feelings towards my body as it stands and maybe come to terms with where I have got to and how far I have come.

Terry and Mel have asked me to their new years party and naturally I am going to go - maybe I can find someone there?  I sure as hell don't want to spend another new years alone.

Much to think about, much stress and all of it taking me away from what should be the most amazing season of the year.

And so I pray;

Father, as so many things cause me to loose sight of what this time of year is really about,

Please help me to keep the real meaning of the season in my heart

So that it may come to the fore, ahead of everything else.

Please give me the strength to accept what I cannot change,

The strength to recognise what I can change

And the strength to fight to make the change happen.

As the time comes, please help me to remember the real meaning of Christmas 

And to share and install it in others.

In Jesus name

Amen