Right before my eyes

Ok, I was working today when a certain someone came in.  I mentioned in my last post that they've had a make over and are looking good - well they came in today and yup, they look fantastic!  So there they were, right before me - looking oh so good.  But they've just come out of a long term relationship and therefore I couldn't say anything even if I had the balls to.

So there we go - I realised I had an inters when they were working with me but couldn't because they were with someone and we worked together.  Both of those obstacles are out of the way now but I don't know how they feel about me, and frankly i don't think that I have the confidence to actually say anything anyway.  The more i look at myself in the mirror, the more I realise that I have a long way to  go before I feel that I can have confidence on my appearance.  I still have a lot of stomach fat to loose.  I may have lost 5 stone and reached 13 stone in weight but that extra stone and a half to two stone is really noticeable to me.  I need to get rid of it weigh a vengeance.

Maybe this is the prod I need to make me go the extra mile.  I know who I want a chance to be with now.  I don't really want to get into online dating at the moment, I want a chance to see if there is something here that might happen.  So that means two things.

Firstly I need to double down and really push to get rid of the extra weight.  I don't know how much less I can eat in a day and how much more exercise I can pack into a week but I think I need to push harder and see what i can do.  I have been pretty weak and lax recently.  I need to push on and toughen up on myself.  I am sure that I can drop a naughty night each week and stop at one.  I am also sure that I can regain the motivation not to eat in the evening.  Recently I have been having a little snack when I have got back from the gym and whilst i have been under my RDA for calories still it has reduced the speed at which I have lost weight.  I want and need to feel confident in my appearance, and be desirable to her.  I need to look good.  I have to force myself on, motivate myself to go even further and even harder - as the saying goes... "Go hard or go home!"

Secondly, I need to reevaluate and reprogram my thoughts and expectations in terms of relationships. I seem to be so quick to jump at things right now, almost overkill.  no one is going to want to be with someone who is rushing at the speed that I seem to gallop ahead at.  I need to reign myself in and learn to move at a sensible speed instead of assuming that whatever stage of feelings that I am at, other people are automatically going to mirror them.

I need to go back to basics - deconstruct the person that I am and reconstruct the person that they can fall for.

It's all a bit of a mess but at the same time I feel motivated to really push for what I want.

Lord, what is in front of me shows me what I want.
Is this meant to be?
I know it has re-motivated me and that can only be positive
Please give me the strength though your grace to actually stick with this new motivation.
In a way I don't mind if this isn't meant to be, if it is your will.
But please bring someone into my life.
It's really time now.  I don't want to be on my own anymore.

IJN, Amen