Feeling a bit down.

Hmm, today has not been the best of days.  I had to book my iMac in at the genius bar for it to be fixed, my plans for this afternoon did not come to fruition and now just to rub my nose in it, I've just seen something on Facebook that really rubs my nose in it.  the Facebook thing wasn't deliberate, of that Im sure, but either way it just royally sucks and makes me feel really fed up.

I would go as far as to say that I even feel a little bit depressed right now.  When you want something so bad that its all you focus on it just seems to override everything else.  I  might be fighting the fat off at the gym but mentally I am not fit right now.  I feel like crying, but I'm not sure why.  This feeling is strange to me in a way - but I've been here before.  This feeling of deflation is somehow familiar.  What I really want is to just be wrapped up in the arms of someone I love - someone who loves me.  What I feel like I'm missing right now is the comfort of the human touch.

It makes me feel weak to say it, it even sounds weak reading it back - but I feel weak right now.  The room is warm, but I feel cold.  I am rested after a day off work, yet I feel tired.  I have much that i should be thankful for, yet right now all I feel is a sense of loss.

Its all screwed up - I'm all screwed up.  What I really want and need is my emotions to be sorted out and to meet someone who can reciprocate if I develop feelings - or for the person I have feelings for to develop feelings for me too.  But I cant see either of these options happening right now.

So why has today had this effect on me?  I thought I had left this sort of feeling behind.  I guess it is because I care, because I have emotions rather than just turning them off.  I suppose on a more selfish level, one could argue that it's because I didn't get what I wanted on various things.  But it isn't that.  Its something else on a much deeper level.

The difference is that, in the past, this would frequently become the start of another destructive cycle that would have ended up with eating and drinking to a point of harm.  The fact that I can identify this and head it off (or at least I hope I can head it off, I am strong at the moment at any rate) should mean that I have made progress.

I think I will just have an early night, in the hope that the new day will bring renewed motivation.