SNAFU

Its starting to get to the time of year when Lent is nearly over and Easter Sunday is nearly upon us.  Over the time of lent so far, I have to admit that my faith has been on a bit of a roller coaster ride as to how much time I have taken to nurture it.

Ive got to be honest - my feelings are still in a mess at the moment, and I ended up pouring my heart out at work today to the person that I have all these feeling for.  That really doesn't help matters much.  I don't know if I ended up giving the game away - I din't mean to but then I was just drawn like a moth to the flame.  How close can I hint without actually stating it - and will the hints be picked up?  I don't mean it as a game - I don't mean any harm with it but its like I am drawn in.  Despite I fear that I know what the outcome will be, I just can't help myself.  A million to one chance is better than no chance - and yet i am risking a good friendship that may grow even stronger over time.

I hate myself, I hate this situation, I hate how I am handling it.  Most of all I hate the fact that I cannot have what I want, be the one to give her everything that she needs.  Get rid of what passes as a partner at the moment and get a real man, one who is caring and sensitive as well as strong and supportive.

I just feel like I want to cry.  Weak and pathetic I know but there we are.  I have found someone who I have feelings for based on who they are and their personality - I also happen to think they are physically about as perfect as it is possible to get and they are out of my reach for so many reasons.

This.  Sucks.