So tired

I'm feeling so tired right now.  I've been on 6 and 7 day weeks for the last couple of months and it's really starting to take a toll on me.  There's been some up sides too - the money has been very welcome and has given me a decent income for a couple of months where it would otherwise have been pretty minimal.  That said, it's reached the point where I cant really keep this up much longer.  Luckily, I don't have to - I only have one week to go before I have a weeks holiday.

The money has come in handy, I've been on a little spending spree.  I bought the motorbike a set of straight pipes and it's rekindled my love for biking again!

One way or another though I'm feeling pretty run down and pretty lack lustre.  I'm planning a day away tomorrow as I have a day off.  I'm planning on taking the bike down to Lulworth Cove for the day and chilling out for a while.  Take a walk along the coast for a few miles then chill out on the beach for the afternoon.

Its not exactly going to undo weeks of overworking but it might just gove me the strength to get through the next week.  Either way, I'm really tired right now and my usual sleep cycle is gone, replaced by a cycle of sleeping based on urgency.

I don't feel tired most of the time, but when I do go to sleep I basically pass out until the morning - a couple of nights ago I managed to pass out and sleep right through a thunderstorm that passed directly overhead.

Work wise, it seems to be change over time.  People are leaving and new people hopefully joining.  The combination of staff loss and holiday time seems to have left me in this overall situation.  For the first time ever, there's a continuous block of holidays for the best part of three months, combined with staff leaving at the same time, so that creates the need for me to work so many days at a time.  I could really do with the money though so somehow I will find the energy to see it through and take the cash, after all - "it's money, take it and buy things with it".

Everything just seems to be turning to poop

It just seems that right now, everything that I try to achieve is turning to poop.  I get the balcony looking nice, the council want to repaint the exterior of the building so somehow I will probably end up having to try to move plants that are growing up the trellis work on the balcony - not easy.

The car made it to France and back, but it seems that a bolt holding the coil pack in place sheared of (or was sheared by the garage she they serviced it - but I can't prove that) so I had to kludge a fix on that - but I don't know if it will hold or not.

I decided to treat myself to a new set of after-market pipes on the motorbike.  I've ordered them and they've turned up with no fitting instructions and no contents list.  I can't help but feel that there could well be some bolts and brackets missing as there don't seem to be any fittings in the box that I can see.

It just seems to be one thing after another at the moment.  None of them are significant in their own right but it just seems to be adding up to a bigger pile of do-do.  What really seems to be getting me is that the more I try to do a little something to cheer me up, the more it gets thrown back in my face.

Work is adding to the stress at the moment too.  I have a new starter on board to replace one that has left.  TRo give them their due, they have worked for one of our competitors before so know a little bit of the role so they're further ahead on the curve than the average newbie.  What then piles on the pressure is that there's another member of the team on holiday for 2 weeks.  The fact that they've taken a 2 week block really pisses me off.  I can't stop them - it's their right to do it, but it;s the fact that they do it every time.  They do all the customer training when they are working so when they are not in, the rest of us have to rally round to cover their sessions.  In itself, that would be manageable for a week, but 2 weeks just pushes the stress level through the roof.  When other people are off, the sales team can still sell because the training is covered.  When this person is off no-one can get on with their job properly.

On the up side, that means that there should be some overtime going begging - and I think I am going to need it.  That's one thing that the company bonus structure can't take away from me.  They can cap my bonus if other staff members screw up but they can't take away my overtime.

Other than that, there's all the other little irritating things that are going on right now.  I'm still trying to flog myself down the gym to try and hit my target weight - getting there but it's really slow going right now.  I have one particular friend who is determined to push me into online dating and they are starting to get on my nerves again.  Hopefully they'll back off for a while.  They're right of course, but I'm just not in the right place or time to do anything about it at the moment.  I don't have the money to sustain a dating routine, I don't have the time to put into it and right now I don't have the energy to do myself justice in looking for a partner.

All little things, so many little things, all biting at me.  I have a week's holiday at the end of July, a month away.  I think the plan will be to cling on for dear life until then and see if I can get back on an even keel.

The musings of a madman

Just feeling a little restless, that all.   Work is pretty crap, business is down and the team is slowly falling apart and there's nothing that I can do.  People leaving and people bringing in their problems from home, etc…  Money is now a constant struggle.  Basically I don't have any.  My staff keep fucking up the mystery shop visit and that is costing me my bonus.  They don't care, they're leaving or don't have the financial commitment to actually need the money.

I always used to live my life on the rule that whatever my finical commitments, I wold never exceed my basic pay outgoings that I had to make.  It's now at the point where I' about to break that and I have no guarantee of anything further whilst the staff keep loosing me my bonus.  There isn't much I can do to deal with it.

The horrible truth is that I haven't had a pay rise in 5 years, My bonus has been eroded away by head office moving the goal posts and by the staff pissing away what I have earned, through their own laziness and incompetence.  I can't hold them to account without head office getting on the way, but they're costing me money month after month - with the exception of one staff member who actually wants to get involved and make progress.

I don't want to leave where I work but it is getting to the point where their choice not to give me a pay rise is making me finically unviable.  With my ratio of income to liabilities, if I was a company- I'd be in administration right now.  Now quite bankrupt, but needing special measures to see things through.

So the answer would seem to be to find either a second job or to find a different job with better pay.  Frankly the second job thing is not going to be a viable option - I've looked and I con't seem to find anything that will fit around the times I want to be down the gym.

So that leaves looking for a different job.  Not sure what that's likely to bring.  I'm sure there are things within retail that i could move to but I would really like to make a move outside of retail, maybe to something a little less volatile and certainly less target driven.  I keep thinking that there may be something that I can do with my ACSP qualification but there does't seem to be anything obvious.  In either case, it needs to be able to pay a basic that is substantially higher than what i am earning now, especially if there is any commuting involved.

But then again, where I am financially would not be so bad had I not bitten off more than I can chew in respect of financial investments and security that my IFA has pushed my way.  That seems to have crept up and been more expensive at every step and it has basically crossed the line between ending affordable and making my finical position unviable.  But all the different elements are so intertwined that I can't see a way of unpicking one from another and making life easier.  I'm stuck with a load of witty insurances that I don't see the value in, but then the commission that my IFA gets from those is paying the handling fees for my stocks and shares ISA which keeps that profitable.  I don't see a way of picking this lot apart and making it any more viable.

Don't get me wrong, compared with some people out there, I am still OK. At the moment the mortgage payments on the mortgage are safe and for that I am truly thankful.  At the same time, I feel that I am justified in wanting to progress and do better in life, earn more money to be stable again.

I guess I'm just feeling the pinch at the moment.  It's ironic really, all the time that the country was in the shit, I was blessed enough not to feel it.  NOw that the economy is allegedly on the up, I am finically squeezed to a level that i advent felt since I first moved out of home, back in Basingstoke just after I left uni.  Back then it was playing off the bank balance to pay day and making money go round twice.  Its not that bad now, but its getting closer.  I need and want a way out.

Lord, money may not be the everything in this world,
I may not be able to take it with me when I leave,
And I know there are many people with far less
Than I possess in this life.

Yet none-the-less I ask,
show me a way to be able to move forward,
To get back to a place of stability and prosperity
so that I may be able to provide for the partner and family 
that I aspire to have.
So that I may enjoy a positive outlook on life
day by day
And have a a stability that allows me to build for the future.

After A Long Time Away

Well, I've not put a post up on here for a while. The main reason for that is that I have been working solidly this week and it has knocked me back a little bit. I've done seven days solid so that two of my staff could go on a training course. I have tomorrow off and that will be nice. I can kick back and relax for a day.

I took the bike to work today and I have to say that it was fantastic. It was almost like an early summers day. The sun was warm, a little chill on the air but not enough to make it cold and very little traffic on the road. The perfect day to own a motorbike! I just find biking so relaxing, like it blows all your cares away. I should have felt pretty much dead on my feet today, what with it being my 7th day straight, but after biking in it almost felt like a pyjama day!

However, on the more troublesome side of life, my car is in a bad way. My baby is sick and in need of a little TLC. Unfortunately TLC costs money. Money that I don't really have right now. Having been out of work for a while my finances are all over the place right now and everything is a bit hand-to-mouth. I haven't had chance to get some savings stored up for this sort of thing yet.

Father, whilst I'm pretty sure that I don't want to be asking

for help to deal with things as simple as maintaining my car.

I do feel that I should be praying for the opportunity to

Build some stability back into my life again

In a couple of months I will be needing to move house again

And before then I need to get some stability to my finances and

To my commitments.

Please grant me the presence of mind to do the best I can

With the situations that are in front of me.

In Jesus Name

Amen