2013 review / New years resolutions

OK, so I'm starting the new year with a glass of champagne for breakfast - dart the way you mean to go on as far as I'm concerned.  Then it'll be roast duck for lunch, cooked by my own hand...  It's all starting to be a yearly tradition.

Anyway to the review.  Looking back at what I said this time last year, there were a few areas that I challenged myself on:


1.  Eating.   - Doing well, I have managed to pretty much stick to 5 controlled days and 2 naughty days per week.  There's been the occasional slip- and the occasional deliberate subversion of the rules.  Anyway, mission accomplished.

2.  Drinking. - so I'm now down to drinking 2 nights per week, usually on the 'naughty' days, with food, but occasionally I have separated them.

3.  Hygiene. - Big change, I have re-discovered Lush bath bombs!  More than happy to spend hours in the bath now!  Only down side is that my water bill has gone up as a result!

4.  Exercise.  - BIG WIN!  I've been going to the gym regularly, usually around 3 times a week, commitments permitting.  The results have been astounding - I have lost 4st 13lb in a year!  I was so desperately trying to get to the 5stone mark but ultimately I am not going to lie or cheat myself.  I missed the 5 stone (just) but it's still an epic win.  I also have the beginnings of a 'body' starting to develop, my weight living capacity has improved vastly and I have some serious muscle tone underneath once I can shift the rest of the fat.

Also this year a truly unexpected event has happened.  What started as a major threat to life stability ahas turned out to be a massive opportunity for progress.  I now own my own home.  Having been given notice to vacate due to the land lady selling up, I was able to put together the finances to purchase the property myself.

I have also managed to achieve another big move forward - I have sorted out my long term finances with various investments and protections, through the advice of my finical adviser, plus I managed to get shares in the Post Office.

SO all in all, it's been a year of good achievement and of notable progress.

I think at this point I need to stop and give thanks to God for what I have received.  I am truly grateful.  I think that I have achieved much of this through my own effort, but with the Lords grace and favour to provide the opportunities and to give me the strength to actually see through the intentions that I have started with so many times before.


SO we move on to this year, the big '14...  What am I going to target myself to achieve?  What will I ask the Lord to give me the strength and opportunity to achieve?

Well, I think I want to carry on with the weight loss a little further,  I have come so far but not yet reached my target goal.  I also need to make good on a 'pinky swear' that I made with a friend - to actually bite the bullet and get into online dating and begin the process of finding a partner.

So in short, I think 2014 is a year of consolidation in many respects.  Last year I changed who I physically am, this year I need to learn to accept that, become confident in that and begin to realise the worth in it.  And so I set my goals thusly;

Weight / Gym:
To loose a further amount of weight with a joint goal of reaching either 11.5 stone (a 1 stone 8 lb reduction from where I am)  OR to reach 25% body fat (currently 32%).  I choose this as a joint goal as I also intend to focus far more on the body building and weight lifting which will result in some muscle gain and increase in weight through that.

To reach a stage where I am confident enough to go shirtless when I am on holiday in France next year - subjective I know - and I'm the one used to using SMART objectives!  However, it's important for 2 reasons, firstly it's an obvious visual measure of my success, but secondly it's also a confidence thing...

Lord, please grant me the self belief and confidence to achieve this.

Personal Life
To find the right place to start looking for love online, to avoid the meat market of the less moral on line dating sites in the hope of finding someone with similar values who might actually be interested in me as a person.

Lord, please grant me the guidance to avoid situations that would have me compromise my moral values and show me to somewhere that I may actually find people that I have a chance of happiness with.

Other
To consolidate on what I have achieved in 2013, to make good to those who have helped me along the way and to make sure that what I have is secure.

Lord,  you gave me so much last year and I am truly thankful.  Please help me to get back to my Faith and the strength that it gives me, to find the way forward to people that I can share my life with.

Please help me to appreciate what I have and to see the way forward to better myself and be happy.

It's a selfish ask, I know, but once I am strong, I can use that strength to help others.

IJN, Amen

Crappy Christmas

So Christmas is over for another year, and Boxing day is soon to follow.  I have to say I'm pretty glad it's all over.  It wasn't a bad one, it wash;t exactly a good one either.  To be honest, I think I slept through more of it that I was away through.

That said, Church was OK and I go what I wanted from 'Santa'.  It would be nice if people stopped giving me alcohol for Christmas.  I feel a little bit tragic - is that all people can think of to give me?  Is that how they perceive my personality - an alcoholic?

Christmas down at Dads would have been fine if it wasn't for the other people there; Dad's partner's Daughter (who I refuse to dignify with the title of 'step-sister') and her little shit, spooled brad of a child.  Frankly I want nothing to do with them but sadly I am stuck with being under the same roof as them from time to time.  Anyway, it want great to be honest, poor company, the food wasn't great either.  Dad seems to have convinced himself that his partner can cook - by his standards she probably can - but someone needs to teach her how to cook vegetables!

Really, after all of this I am feeling a bit down and fed up.  It's one of those moments when I just feel like I want to withdraw away from everyone and drop back into my own little world.  I think that I would actually have been quite happy to spend Christmas on my own.  Cook my own dinner, my way and not have to deal with all the other tossers.

Going back to work tomorrow - at least that will keep me occupied and my mind off things.  Money is tight right now as well.  On face value I have a reasonable amount in my current account but I have a bucket load that I need to clear off the credit card as well, which more than cancels it out and will probably wipe out my bonus this month as well.

It's all a bit depressing really.  No one thing is that big but it all seems to come together into one larger mass of issues.

Into every life...

... a little rain must fall.

Ok, so on reflection, I've had a really decent run of good fortune earlier on in the year and I suppose the fact that now things are not going exactly to plan is really only compensation for that - after all, the universe needs to balance.  The Lord must share good and ill fortune upon people equally.

Anyway, my old macbook has come back yet again as the second person to buy it on ebay say it is faulty.  What he has described sounds like the fault that I claimed against Apple under EU law for but now that I have the machine back, I am damned if I can replicate it.  So I think I will just flog it to the local cash converters - the fault that they were moaning about, and that I had an issue with before was an intermittent fault based on certain components overheating and shutting down.  It's unlikely to do that when they test it and buy it off me, and after that it's their problem.  It's a bit unethical perhaps but I need the money and it's just going to be easier to do that and take a slight loss that it is to go through the grief of selling it on ebay and dealing with any faults that may come up again.

Other that that someone that I work with has been involved in a pretty sever car accident and they're going to be off for the foreseeable future.  They're ok - just.  The car was a hell of a mess from the pictures that they sent me.  Thank God, they are basically ok - a couple of cracked ribs and a ruptured knee, but they will recover.  I think that it was very close to being far more severe.  That said, their absence has put a major strain on at work.  Trying to deal with the busiest time of year with one full-time member of staff down is nothing short of a nightmare.  However, there's not much that can be done - it's not their fault that they're off and nature will take it's course, it's not a click-your-fingers type of healing process - it could be 4 weeks odd for cracked ribs.

So I am really tired right now.  I mean, I woke up this morning, after a decent night's sleep and felt like I was ready to go back to bed.  I'm back on the high caffeine energy drinks again too.  I just need something to get me through it all to Christmas day and Boxing Day.  I'm not quite running on empty but I'm getting close.

I managed to get down the gym tonight for a decent work out but I'm feeling knackered now.  I am going to try and get down there again on Friday after work too.  I need to keep this going in the run up to the Christmas Eve weigh in.  Only 3 pounds to go for 5 stone in a year.  Now is not the time for faint heart, for faint heart never won fair lady.

I don't have a fair lady in mind right now but it'll be a lot easier to find one if I am looking trim and fit for purpose.

That is all for now I think...

Another pointless rambling blog post...

So Christmas is getting closer; and with that, I should be feeling more empowered, stronger, full of the joys of the season.  It's not that I don't want to be, it's more like every effort I have is going into  my day job and not really leaving anything left over for my faith and for the season.

With that comment I guess that it's probably evident that work is not going according to plan.  that's an understatement.  Right now the business is haemorrhaging money compared with last year.  After a really storming November, this month has fallen by the way side and I'm looking at a pretty big step down against last year.

Right now I dont't know where this is going in the longer term.  Day to day, it's a struggle in the least.  Some how we need to catch up on last year as a minimum.  Then again, head office are forecasting a +20% growth on last year as well.  Following November's sales, the 20% was looking pretty achievable.  Now I am just looking to break even and not head backwards.  The economy is supposedly on the up and people have a higher level of finical optimism (allegedly) but I have to say that I am not sire that it is doing me any favours right now.

The stress of work is a big one, it isn't with me every hour, but it is there more than I would like.  there are little positives that seem to part the stress a little.  For example, we won a competition last weekend and the prize was for food to be paid for this Saturday for lunch - so I had a free pizza lunch.  That was pretty cool, and then there is next weekend - we have the Christmas meal to look forward to.  So there are some positives on the rounds as well.

It's one of these moments when being single totally sucks.   It's the the season...  It's the season alright.  But really, only if you are with someone that you care about.  There could be someone.  I wish there was someone...  But there isn't.  Not right now anyway.  We're coming down to the cut off zone.  Boxing day... - Or in this case, Christmas eve.  I'm not weighing in after the season of excess, I'll do it before, thank you!

So it's 3 lbs more to go for a nice round weight loss of 5 stone in a year.  Might just be do-able, it's going to be a close run thing.  It's not the 6 stone that I targeted for a year ago, and there is definitely more to go.  I think that I need to aim for 1.5 stone in the longer term and that may well be the goal for next year.  I promised myself that i would go into courtship dating in the next year, last year.  I really want to make that happen but I need to rationalise my feelings towards my body as it stands and maybe come to terms with where I have got to and how far I have come.

Terry and Mel have asked me to their new years party and naturally I am going to go - maybe I can find someone there?  I sure as hell don't want to spend another new years alone.

Much to think about, much stress and all of it taking me away from what should be the most amazing season of the year.

And so I pray;

Father, as so many things cause me to loose sight of what this time of year is really about,

Please help me to keep the real meaning of the season in my heart

So that it may come to the fore, ahead of everything else.

Please give me the strength to accept what I cannot change,

The strength to recognise what I can change

And the strength to fight to make the change happen.

As the time comes, please help me to remember the real meaning of Christmas 

And to share and install it in others.

In Jesus name

Amen

Every once in a while

Every so often you come across a time in your life when everything you touch turns to brown.  It seems to be my turn for some of that right now.  The Christmas temp that I have taken on turns out to be bloody pregnant so is feeling sick all the time, they can't work half the days that I wanted - or that they said they could when I interviewed them.  So that means ore work for everyone else - particularly me.

Then to add to it, the person that bought my mac on eBay turns out to be a complete numpty that doesn't know how to use it so I have not had to issue a blood refund and go through all the grief of delisting the damned thing.

Then just to put the icing on the cake, a machine at work yesterday came out of the box with a mark on the lid - a custom machine that that they'd been waiting for weeks for.  So i ended up dealing with all the stress between the customer and head office.  Frankly my stress level is off the scale and somehow I need to get rid of it before I have this bloody medical on Tuesday.  I really wish I could have a drink but I can't until after the medical.

I could do with a bit of a turn in fortune really.  It's about time that something went better for me.  It's one of those times that I wish I had a partner to support me.  Sometimes a cuddle  would just solve so many different problems.  I just feel so fed up right now, so many little things that are just niggling away at me.

I really need some blue skies ahead somewhere soon.

Jazz an all dat

Ok, so it's been however long and a day since I posted anything.  It's not that things haven't been happening - they certainly have.  As with pretty much every other pressure that I have to deal with, it's all about time.  How I choose to prioritise it and how I choose to use the little that I have.

Progress with the flat continues apace.  I have now redecorated the kitchen and it look a whole lot better.  The only project left on the to-do list is to put down laminate flooring in the kitchen.  It seems easier than I think it will actually be.  Obviously I can put down basic planks and join them together, what I think I may have more issue with is going to be things like cutting the planks to fit around the door frame with all it's intricacies.  I need to decide whether I am going to bite this one off and try to chew it or whether DIY might be better served as GSI!

In either case, that might have to wait a month or two... the macbook had to go in to be fixed the other day and what I thought would be a simple replacement of the airport card - a £50 part at the most, turned out to be a royally fucked logic board - basically I had cooked it.  Too many Logic sessions I guess, combined with the fact that nVidia managed to ship apple a shit batch of graphics card (again) that seem to overheat.  In either case, the logic board was declared as toast.  Typically the machine was just out of Applecare.

Apple customer service has totally changed, I can remember not that long ago that they would have offered me an exception to get it covered without any real fuss.  Like hell did that happen this time!  Basically I had to use the workshop to sue them under European law.  At which point the folded like a piece of paper. - So why not just raise an exception in the forst place and keep the good will?

Any how, my mac was repaired.  It works OK now but still seems to run on the hot side.  In either case, it is worth nothing to me if it goes wrong again, so I find myself parting company with a faithful friend that has been my shotgun for the last three years, been the platform upon which some of my post successful musical works have been started and served me so well.  I can only hope that they will find a good home... and a decent price so that I don't have to pay too much towards the upgrade!

It's obviously the time for various pieces of shit to hit the fan; The car has the rust issue with the widinscreen surround reappearing.  Looks like I will have to fork out for it to be looked at again in the spring - if I'm doing that, I want it sorted for good this time, rather than just patching it up - so that's a few hundred at least sometime into the new year.  Looks like I should have a little help towards it hout anyway, the dole-bludging benefits leech that life has landed upon the family as a step sister has had a hand out to fix her car, so fairness says that Dad will bankroll me the same.  I don't need it - I could cope on my own, but none the less it will be useful.

Then there are my long term finances - some good fortune and some less good fortune.  I was able to get some Royal Mail shares in the recent issue and that has made me a few quid, with the prospect of a reasonable future of dividends to come.  On the down side, my IFA is in the process of sorting out income protection for the mortgage, critical illness cover and a couple of other bits - all through Aviva.  It looks like they are quoting one price to get his recommendation and then trying to fuck me over on the premium.  The mortgage cover they added to the initial premium, without reason or explanation.  Now they are demanding a fucking medical for the critical illness cover.  I don't have the will for this right now, and as Christmas approaches I certainly don't have the time either.  Yet in the same breath, I think I do need to get something sorted out.  In either case, with a medical approaching, I need to go completely clean and sober from now until it is over, just to make sure that I get a genuine result.  So tonight was the last bottle of wine for the time being.  No more caffeine, taurine or the like.  Its going to be bland foods, no stimulants or depressants and so on.  Anything that might help lower the premiums.  Still feel like I'm being ripped off though.

I haven't seen a doctor for years, I haven't had a day off sick school, college, uni or work since 1991!  As far as I'm concerned it's corporate wank at it's worst.

Christmas seems to be here already at work.  The business is already picking up and the amount of money floating around is up.  We are doing more money than last year so far so that looks to be a good sign.  I've just taken on a new Christmas temp to help keep us above the water line.  So far so good, not that I've had the time that I want ot spend to help her get up to speed.

One little downer, turns out that she's just found out that she's pregnant.  Sucks a bit in terms of trying to brow beat head office into let me keep her on.  Also means that I have to just keep an eye out and make sure that she's alright.  It's strange how people that need looking in after in some way are guided to cross paths with those who hold a moral value to protect those who are within their care in some way.

Oh man, I'm tired - and we're nowhere near Christmas right now.  Lord knows how I'm going to find the strength to keep this going right now.  Still, I am off tomorrow and therefore I can have abot of a lie in and come up to speed at a leisurely pace.

Its been a long time

It's been a long time,
I shouldn't have left you,
Without a dub beat to step to.
When I grab the microphone you'd better hit the dex
Time's up - sorry I kept you.

It's been a long time,
Since I had ta,
Pick up the microphone and get badda.
Ain't no other MC on the AKG,
I flip the script like the rest don't matter.

The DJ cuts it up like a shaolin monk
Pumping the funk in your junk trunk punk
I flip it live cos I know where it's at
Pumping funk in the cracks,
Cutting wax with an axe.

I got rhymes real tight
Beats faster than light
Like a ton of TNT
I'm about to ignite
Cos I flip the script on this fuckin' debacle
Passin' the dutch like kids pass the parcel.


There you go, you can have that one for free!  Not sure it's worth any money anyway.

So anyhow,  it's been a while since I put anything on here.  Not to say that things haven't been going on - they have.  More to the point, there hasn't really been the time to put them on here anyway.

Work has been doing my head in.  It's the end of the internal financial year so there's been 2 stock takes in one month - well, the second one is tomorrow.  Other than that, there's a fair bit of stress going on over all this end of year shit as well.  Frankly I could do with out it, but it's part of the job.

Anyway, apart from the work stuff, which isn't exactly going badly - it's just a bit rough right now...  there are some positives as well.  Dad has put me in contact with his financial adviser and it looks like I should be able to get a few bits sorted out to grow a little bit of wealth and security for the longer term.  I have also decided that seeings as the government is going to privatise the Royal Mail, it seems like a good idea to buy a lump of shares as a longer term investment.

This is all seriously starting to sound like I am getting organised in some kind of way - and more scarily that I would appear to be showing signs of maturity and sensibility.  This just wont do.  I need to get back to being childish and irresponsible as soon as possible!

In all seriousness, things are good right now - and for that I am really thankful.  There's so much that has come to my, by the Lord's grace.  I can't help but feel there will be a darker period some time soon. Life seems to have these fiscal cycles - things go from good to bad and then back to good again.  This really feels like the peak of an up cycle.  Things are pretty much as I would have them, give or take a little bit.

The only thing that I really wish I could make progress with is the weight loss.  I have come a massive distance so far.  I have lost 4 stone, which is huge.  I am now stuck on a weight that I can't seem to move from.  I have to take a large degree of responsibility for this myself.  I have let my control on my eating and alcohol consumption loosen a little.  It's not bad, but it's not as tight as I know it could be.  That said, I am doing more down the gym that I have previously.  I am knocking off 600 calories as session before I even do any weights. And I have been able to manage 3 sessions a week over the last few weeks.  But still the weight sticks at this point.  I know I have lost weight and changed shape, it just doesn't seem real.  I don't really feel it or see it in myself the way that I guess others do.  To me I feel just as fat as I did before in so many ways.  I can totally see how people can get caught up in thinking that they are always overweight when they are not.

Who knows, somehow I guess I will have to revisit my motivation and see if I can regroup to make progress.  After all, there must be progress to be made.